Best Covina, California: My Top 5 Songs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

by Odin McDermott

If you ask me to recommend a new show to watch, I’ll probably say Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. This show is funny, tragic, and chock-full of musical numbers: every episode features two(ish) original songs inspired by musical theatre but also well-known artists like Beyoncé, the Beach Boys, and Backstreet Boys (and probably some artists whose names don’t start with the letter B too). While the show is named after the sexist trope of the “crazy ex-girlfriend” the writers and cast tackle the premise with nuance, humor, and insight. To just provide a brief synopsis of the show, our protagonist Rebecca (portrayed by Rachel Bloom of Trolls 2 fame)…

“Was working hard at a New York job / Making dough but it made her blue

One day [she] was crying a lot / And so [she] decided to move to

West Covina, California / Brand new pals and new career

It happens to be where Josh lives / But that’s not why [she’s] here”

That’s the season one opening theme (Every song I include in this article will be linked to its music video on YouTube if you want to check it out–I don’t think spoilers should be an issue with any of them except for my honorable mentions). So, without further ado, here are my top five songs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Number 5: "The Cringe"

“I think about that time in bed with my ex / When I chuckled at his penis during sex!...

He went soft and cried / And that was the night their relationship died!”

This song has got everything: Patton Oswalt, spooky Halloween dresses, and a meaningful message about anxiety and the human condition. Whenever you can’t stop yourself from dwelling on the past, remember that every single person has regrets. Maybe we can even share our mistakes to remove the hold they have over us (preferably in song form, while wearing spooky Halloween dresses). Halloween songs (“The Monster Mash”, “I Put a Spell on You”, “Calling all the Monsters”, etc.) are also just criminally underrated, and so I really appreciate the effort in this song–even though it came three seasons after the Christmas song ("California Christmastime" which, to be fair, is amazing). In summation, if you’re feeling bad about something you’ve done in the past, at least you didn’t hook up with the bassist of Sugar Ray.

Number 4: "Friendtopia"

“We’re going to braid each other's hair

Then cut each other’s braids

 Connect the braids to build a rope

To hang all of congress!"

In this song, Rebecca imagines herself and her newly solidified girl group as Big Brother-esque dictators who control the entire world (“Friendtopia / A dystopia about our friendship). It really is the #girlboss anthem we need in our lives. Granted, they’re not “girlbosses” so much as “girltyrants” but the song is so catchy that I feel like this scenario would be fine? The music video is genuinely so entertaining, with plenty of visual gags to supplement the slay-ness of this Spice Girls-inspired tune. This song is also arguably the first ever “gaslight gatekeep girlboss” usage (the meme started in 2021, and this song aired in a 2016 episode of the show): gaslight = “Rebecca, the brainy one, head of censorship and mind control”, gatekeep = “Heather, the cool one, I put drugs in the water supply”, and girlboss = “Valencia, the sexy one, czar of torture!” Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go nostalgically watch Hocus Pocus. Zig-a-zow!

Number 3: "Settle For Me"

“I know I’m only second place in this game

But like two-percent milk / Or seitan beef

I almost taste the same”

Back in the wee years of 2017, my older brother wanted me to watch this show he thought I’d like. However, I thought the title was weird, so I repeatedly refused. Then, I managed to stumble upon a song from said show on YouTube, and fell in love. This was that song, and I was that boy.

Greg Serrano is just such a good character: he’s equal parts charm and self-loathing, and his musical numbers are some of my favorites in the series. And with Santino Fontana’s (and then later, Skylar Astin’s [which was a change that I thought was handled in such an interesting way]) vocal chops, you can’t help but sway along as he showcases his utter lack of self-esteem, This song appears in the fourth episode of the series (which means young Odin didn’t have to watch long before hearing it) and it’s just so good. The lyrics are clever, the vibes are immaculate, and the dress is so twirly—I have no complaints.

Number 2: "The First Penis I Saw"

“And of all the penises I've seen / His had the biggest impact

And by that what I mean / Is it really made me drop my jaw

'Cause it was the very first penis I saw”

There are many songs in this show’s discography that I would be embarrassed to name aloud, and this is definitely one of them. However, I’m putting any shame to the side for the sake of this article and talking about this song because I just love it so much (future employers, I really hope you’re not reading this). It’s ABBA-inspired! It’s got dope choreography! It’s in a grocery store! The lyrics are some of the best the show’s done (just look at the jaw-dropping number of rhymes they come up with for the word “penis”) and I can’t really think of a better song in the series. Well, except for the number-one song on this list…

Honorable Mentions (however, note that these songs are more spoiler-heavy than my top five–I’d definitely steer clear of them if you want to go in totally blind): “We Tapped That Ass”, “Tell Me I’m Okay (Patrick)”, “Greg’s Drinking Song”, “It Was a Shitshow”, “We’ll Never Have Problems Again”, “I’m a Good Person”, “I Give Good Parent”, “Fuckton of Cats”, honestly just the rest of the soundtrack, they’re all so good.

Number 1: "You Stupid Bitch"

“You're just a poopy little slut who doesn't think

And deceives the people she loves
Now he knows I'm not some innocent lamb

He sees me for what I am
Which is a horrible, stupid, dumb and ugly

Fat and stupid, simple self-hating
Bitch!”

The hold this song had/has(?) on me. The song is a creative, over-the-top ballad about the uncreative, un-over-the-top ways we talk about ourselves negatively. Because when you’re really in the dumps, are you going to wax poetic, or are you just gonna string adjectives (i.e. “stupid” “poopy” “dumb”) in front of your favorite self-deprecating noun? This song gets reprised (or at the very least, its melody gets used) more times than any other song in the series (I think?) besides the opening number “West Covina” (the show makes such good usage of different motifs). Also, while not directly related to the song itself, the episode that contains this song is probably the most innovative usage of the “Oh no I accidentally sent a text about someone to that person! I need to delete it before they see it!” trope I’ve ever seen. In this masterclass of television, I can’t think of a song more deserving of the number one slot than “You Stupid Bitch”.